The Best Trait My Dog Has Taught Me

There are an incredible amount of life lessons my dog has taught me, and maybe someday I will convey all of those lessons. However, the one that stands out above all others is empathy.

Yup, my dog has taught me empathy. Far more than any human has ever taught.

I should first start with why I don’t think humans have not been successful at teaching me empathy. You see, humans are complicated. That is not a bad thing, in fact, it is why I love humans, but when it comes to humans teaching some basic core values, it can quickly become muddied with emotions, personal agendas, and selfishness.

Let’s take for example how I was taught empathy as a kid. First, it was nothing more than just being nice, but being nice isn’t the same as being empathetic. Second, it was taught through fear of the church. If I wasn’t nice, I would go straight to hell. That is if you believe in that type of thing. While these are some good ground rules, they are actually pretty shallow and limited teachings.

Now, I wasn’t only taught this in church with the wrath of God nipping at my heels, I was also taught life lessons by my parents and other members of the adult society, just like most of us. Be nice to those you love, be patient with family and friends, and or be nice until you shouldn’t be nice. These were just a handful of the lessons I was taught, but there is a problem with these lessons. These lessons are once again, shallow and limited in the scope of their impact.

I should explain. As I mentioned above, when humans teach these types of values, they can be driven by personal agenda and selfishness. Why is it that I was only taught to be nice to my loved ones, or be nice until I shouldn’t be nice? Because these are the values that my parents and many other adults in my life had. You watch out for yourself and your family, and no one else. Loved ones are the ones that can help you if needed. When someone you don’t know is not nice to you, you be extra not nice to them to let them know you can be better at it.

I should also mention that the personal views and ideology of the adults in my youthful days most certainly play a part in these teachings. I don’t mean that in any bad way, we all have our own opinions and agenda that drives us to our next goal. However, humans often teach other humans lessons based on their personal beliefs. This circles us back to only being nice, not empathetic. While the church and religion I once subscribed to had the potential to properly teach me empathy, they did not. Nice and empathetic were interchangeable, not two different parts of emotional intelligence that I should have worked on and practiced.

“But A.B. Queen, how did your dog teach you empathy?”

Great question! It actually all boils down to a lack of communication.
You see, my dog is riddled with high anxiety, it is just part of his breed. Anything and everything has the potential to terrify him. Thunderstorms, loud trains, fireworks, coughing, hiccups, motorcycles, vet visits, and whistles are just some of the items he is scared of. We of course never intentionally trained him to be scared of these things. My partner and I are not scared of these items by any means, but certain scenarios in his life led to him being scared of these noises and scenarios. Some we can probably explain, like teenagers setting off fireworks on our front porch when we weren’t home, but others we can’t explain why he is scared of them.

The fact that we can’t explain why, because as a dog, he can’t tell us why he is either. We don’t know some of the trauma that he has been through, or why he is trying to hide in the bathroom when he hears a whistle on the show we are watching. What we can do is practice patience and empathy with his fear. We can make sure he is shown love, tailor the environment to a more calming and less stressful environment, and use these lessons in other parts of our life.

For example, I don’t know the trauma people have gone through in war. I can’t even begin to imagine what people have seen. However, I do know that there are those who have trauma triggered during the 4th of July. This means I can do my part by not setting off fireworks, and maybe convince others not to as well, preventing anxiety and any other emotion to be increased. Not only does this help my dog, but it also helps other animals, as well as other humans.

The same goes when talking to strangers. Sure, the attendant at the shop may be really rude and or ignore me. This doesn’t mean I should turn around and be extra rude to them. I don’t know what they have going on in their lives. They could have just been yelled at by their bosses for placing something on the shelf wrong. We don’t know what is happening in other people’s lives, we don’t know the triggers that may cause an emotional reaction, and we shouldn’t treat them by doubling down on being just as rude as they are. We should however practice empathy and patience. And yeah, sure, part of that is about being nice, but it goes beyond that. Everyone has their own triggers, everyone has their own crap that they are going through. Don’t treat yours like it is any better or worse.

This is what I mean when my dog has taught me empathy. He can’t tell me what is wrong, I only know that something is. Humans don’t always know something is wrong either, but often times it just is. I am not saying that I treat and train people like our dogs, but I am saying I have higher empathy now that my dog is in my life, and we can all use a little more empathy.